What the teacher says (and what she really means)
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
Take the test and see how smart you are!
Just click on the icon below to take the test. I scored 91% - I answered 23 of the 25 questions correctly. See if you can do better and let me know. Just because I am wondering which answers I gave were wrong... Good luck!
Hotel translations
We all know how misleading the description of hotels and motels can be. So we put together a translation table to help you out... So when you see one of the phrases listed on the left, you will know what it really means by reading the translation below!
Old world charm
=No bath
Tropical
=Rainy
Majestic setting
=A long way from town
Options galore
=Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway
=Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms
=Already occupied
Explore on your own
=Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts
=They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees
=No extras
Nominal fee
=Outrageous charge
Standard
=Sub-standard
Deluxe
=Standard
Superior
=One free shower cap
Cozy
=Small
All the amenities
=Two free shower caps
Plush
=Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes
=Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy
=No air conditioning
Picturesque
=Theme park nearby
Open bar
=Free ice cubes
Concierge
=Stand with tourist brochures
Continental breakfast
=Free muffin
Why God never received tenure at any university...
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
